Vietnamese table manners: chopsticks, toasts and who pays

Nobody expects a visitor to know every rule, and Vietnamese hosts are forgiving. But a few small gestures at the table go a long way, and people notice when you make them. Here is how a Vietnamese meal works.

Chopsticks

• Never stand your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice. It recalls the incense sticks placed for the dead on an altar.
• Don’t point them at people, or wave them about while you talk.
• Use the spoon for broth. Chopsticks in one hand and spoon in the other is perfectly normal.

Sharing

A Vietnamese meal is shared. The dishes go in the middle, everyone has a small bowl of rice, and you take a little at a time.

• Take a piece or two from a shared dish and put it in your bowl, not straight in your mouth.
• If there is a serving spoon, use it.
• Lift your rice bowl close to your mouth to eat. It is normal, not rude.
• Your host may keep putting the best bits in your bowl. Accept, and try a bit of everything.

Before you eat: “mời”

Nobody just starts. Before the meal, the younger people invite the older ones to eat, and the eldest at the table picks up their chopsticks first. The word is mời, “please, go ahead”. At a family meal in the north you might hear a child say “Mời ông bà, mời bố mẹ ăn cơm”, inviting grandparents and then parents. As a guest, the easy version is “Mời cả nhà ăn cơm”: please, everyone, let’s eat. Ăn cơm literally means “eat rice”; in Vietnamese, rice is the meal.

Drinks and toasts

• Pour for others before yourself, especially anyone older, and keep an eye on their glass or teacup.
• At a beer table, drinking is something you do together: raise your glass to someone, or to the whole table, before you drink. The toast is “Một, hai, ba, dzô!”
• When you toast someone older, hold your glass a little lower than theirs.
• You never have to empty your glass. A sip and a smile are fine. More in our bia hơi guide.

Who pays

Splitting the bill item by item is less common than you might expect, especially with older people. Usually one person pays for everyone: the host, the eldest, or whoever did the inviting. Expect a polite tussle at the end, with everyone reaching for the bill. That is part of the meal. If someone has invited you, let them win, and offer to pay next time. Among young friends, splitting the bill is common now. For the question of tips, see tipping in Việt Nam.

At a street stall

• At some stalls, tissues, bones and shells go on the floor. Watch what the locals do, and do the same.
• Slurping noodles is fine. Nobody minds a bit of noise.
• Toothpicks come at the end. Cover your mouth with your other hand while you use one.
• Sharing a table with strangers is normal. Nod hello and sit down.

In someone’s home

• Take your shoes off at the door. Look for the pile of sandals.
• Bring something small: fruit, sweets or tea.
• Say thank you to the cook, and say it more than once.

Phrases for the table

Vietnamese	English	Notes
Mời cả nhà ăn cơm	Please, everyone, let’s eat	Say it before you start.
Ngon quá!	So good!	Say it often. Cooks love it.
Cảm ơn	Thank you	To the cook, and to whoever paid.

For ordering, spice and paying, see our street food phrases.

Practise with us

Our Bia Hơi Corner Night comes with a proper toasting lesson: một, hai, ba, dzô! And our Dawn Phở Run sits you down at two rival phở stalls in the Old Quarter at 6 a.m., a fine place to try out “mời” and “ngon quá”.